Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
