oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
