dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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