My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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