He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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