Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
