I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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