My hand turned me down
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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