i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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