im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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