I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
