Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
