My friends, they love my intelligence
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
