nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize