Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize