need another drink. this is the easiest way
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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