i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize