i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
