Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
