ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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