Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
