Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
