I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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