you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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