i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
