mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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