you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
