he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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