I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
