it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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