note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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