I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
