So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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