i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
