don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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