Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
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