Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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