shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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