I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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