If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
