and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My vagina is officially offended.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
