i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
