I think my vagina is haunted
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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