is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
