She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
