I've blown a few things in my day
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
