Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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