I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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