I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
