I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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