I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
