Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
