and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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