weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
