i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
