Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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