normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
