Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
