I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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