I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
