where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
