just come out here and I will go home with you...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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