I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
In other news, I just burned my penis
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
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