On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
