ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize