Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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