Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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