Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
