Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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