i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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