possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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