Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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