Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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