So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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