He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
