I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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