careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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