I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
