in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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