she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Randomize
