Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
