can we get nightvision for the apartment?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
