I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
