i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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